Skip to content

Repost: The relationship lie; primordial pain

 

 

Primordial pain refers to a fundamental basis of human existence and our unavoidable dependant relationship with another being; our dependency on our primary care giver; our parent.

Photo thanks to Lucas Hermann cc

Picture courtesy of Lucas Hermann (cc 2.0)

It’s a fundamental truth that is present from the moment of our birth, that our relationship with mother (or father) is thus:

  • I need you to live.
  • Without you I will die.
  • I cannot be without you.

This is a fundamental basis for relating; at the very core of our being.  It’s both physiological and psychological.

And, it’s something that we then carry into our later lives.  It’s not something we can necessarily shake off.  It can generate feelings of fear and insecurity alongside utter despair, desolation and annihilation.

Have you ever felt completely alone?  Have you had a relationship with a loved one that ended? By death or by choice?

I raise my hand, I have had this happen, oh boy have I, again and again, and it has this feeling of utter dread – it has this feeling of primordial pain, the fear of destruction.  If I lose you, I lose myself.  But, as adults though, that’s simply not true.  We are fully self dependant.

It’s also a huge lie to enter into a relationship under the false belief that they will complete you and that you cannot be without them.  Doing so is acting from primordial fear.

So the next time I lose someone special, the next time I feel that primordial pain, I’ll know what it is, and in knowing gain some perspective and control. I’ll recognise and greet the feeling, acknowledge it and in doing so lesson it.

Peace and love.

If you enjoyed this post then why not share it.

Primordial fear - AnAccidentalAnarchist

27 Comments »

  1. Easier said than done, right? I lost my husband to cancer nine years ago and have grappled with this basic tenet of being human ever since. For me, the real discovery is that “life goes on.” Meaning returns with each moment of gratitude.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Easier said than done, right? I lost my husband to cancer nine years ago and have grappled with this basic tenet of being human ever since. For me, the real discovery is that “life goes on.” Meaning returns with each moment of gratitude.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good post to ponder.
    Getting to that self- dependant “adult” can take a lifetime. Think you’ve made it and likely the next loss will have you rethinking … For me, it seems each loss strenthens my near-“adult”-ness while also serving to increase my bonds with others not yet gone.
    Thanks for stirring my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good post to ponder.
    Getting to that self- dependant “adult” can take a lifetime. Think you’ve made it and likely the next loss will have you rethinking … For me, it seems each loss strenthens my near-“adult”-ness while also serving to increase my bonds with others not yet gone.
    Thanks for stirring my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like the misspelling of the word ‘lessen’ in your last sentence! It is both ‘lessen’ and a lifelong ‘lesson’ to learn how to be an autonomous adult!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I like the misspelling of the word ‘lessen’ in your last sentence! It is both ‘lessen’ and a lifelong ‘lesson’ to learn how to be an autonomous adult!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That’s something to aspire to and believe is possible – being a self-dependant adult. I do think we have to be careful of investing our very identity in our relationships . We need to keep some self reliance in reserve for when we need it. Growing older helps me to do this, but I’ve not being seriusly challenged yet. Very thought provoking post!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. That’s something to aspire to and believe is possible – being a self-dependant adult. I do think we have to be careful of investing our very identity in our relationships . We need to keep some self reliance in reserve for when we need it. Growing older helps me to do this, but I’ve not being seriusly challenged yet. Very thought provoking post!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. When you talk about primordial pain makes total sense. It gave me a new perspective on why we so often get lost after a breakup with anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The primordial fear is real with me. I met my husband when I was 17 and so just a child. Therefore my dependence on my parents transferred to a dependence on my husband. He prolonged my childhood and allowed me ample time to blossom into maturity. And it is within that maturity that I still feel a deep dependence on his guidance and care in my life. I would not be me without him. I would not have shaped myself so if he had not been there beside me guiding me to the person I was always hoping I would be. And so I found myself lost in the thought – who am I without him? For he has been in my every defining moment since I turned 17 and I have been there to carry him through his own defining moments. We have shared more than half my life making choices together. Who am I without the other half of my decisions? How do I not fear the loss of half of what has come to make me feel whole?

    Primordial fear is real. And I am terrified of the moment I will be forced to confront a reality without the one I have come to rely on as much as I rely on myself, if not more so. I cannot find words to describe the depths of my fear. I won’t lie – I would rather erase myself from existence than face my fear of that loss of life, that loss of connection, of comfort, of wellbeing, of peace. I fear I would lose my sanity the moment he took his last breath so deeply is my wellness tied to the awareness of his existence. I continually pray for God to tie my existence to his so that we may draw upon the same pool of life and breathe our last breaths together. Everyday that is my prayer. And every day we have together is yet another drop from the pool of life we shared. I fear that last drop.

    Liked by 1 person

      • My faith takes me to interesting places. I have a deep desire to considered a saint by the One Above who I regard above all else. I believe He heard my desire to be what I wish and He granted me the people in my life to get me there. So much so the man I walk through life with feels like the living embodiment of the One Above who is with me Always. I struggle with the reality that I feel like He came from Above to be with me in all ways. Above, Below, Around, and Inside. He is with me Always. My faith is deep and insane in its intensity. I know I don’t know what reality is but I love the fantasy being played out in my mind.

        Like

      • Your thoughts are interesting.

        I disagree that women are not saints. For me I apply my personal definition to everything often bringing me to a different feeling than the commonly accepted mainstream definitions. Therefore, sainthood to me is not a male or female thing – it is a state of being. State of being comes before male or female – our essence is eternal and therefore how our being manifests was determined long before we ever found a body to attach the spirit to, before gender was determined. Sainthood is about purity and innocence and kindness. These three aspects come together to create a saintlike quality which can then present itself in a male or female body.

        You aren’t wrong that women are witnesses to the creation of life. I believe this innate connection to the process inherently give women more likelihood to be saintly. The goodness and wholeness that comes while bringing life into the world is there for full immersion and experience. It is world changing to experience life creation. It was for me and is what clarified all the aspects of my being that I feel are saintlike. My creation experience drove me to a madness that makes me want to write away the world so I can be alone with the One Above to explore all there is to be understood about His Oneness.

        As to losing the mind, it was the loss of my mind that brought God to the forefront of my existence. Literally, the apex of my initial breakdown was a psychosis state in which I felt God pulled me from my body and sat me upon His throne to witness the End of Time. The experience of it was so mind-blowing that I am only now almost 5 years later, fully understanding what it was that I went through.

        God is good in so many ways. He can help you find the light even when you aren’t blessed enough to know you are blinded by darkness. I found my light and that’s where I believe I tapped into my sainthood.

        Not that I am a saint, just that I have saintlike qualities and I desire to focus on them more than resting on the moral-less code of conduct developed by mainstream society.

        Like

      • I agree with your last three paragraphs. I am writing a piece on the three heavens , 2 Cor. 12: 2 enjoined with the very first verse in Gen. 1. Put yourself in the Garden you are the only one there besides God. Do not look at other mens writings of what they think the 3rd heaven is. The only clue I will provide you with is the following;
        Man was created from the dirt of the Earth
        Woman was made from the rib of man, she was made,” Living and Breathing”, There is an ancient Hebrew word that is used for Eve it is, “Hava” ie…living and breathing.
        There is a difference between something being created and something being made.
        Again no outside influences from man or his writings.
        Ask the question to God, Who or What are the Three heavens?
        Become Celebrate to those thoughts and dwell on them.
        Last thought where are you at on the Cross if it is the men being crucified? Then ask God who Am I as a Woman?
        I would be interested with your answer take your time and dwell on it.

        Liked by 2 people

      • For me, the first heaven is the existence within the body. It is life, it is breath, it is being. It is the essence of being alive. Heavenly in its miracle and bountiful in its ability to experience.

        For me, the second Heaven is connection to The Spirit. The Spirit is the essence of all that feels good and whole. It is the how you are of who you choose to be. The Spirit is soft and gentle in nature and nurtures you to wholesome awareness. The awareness that is brought is the awareness of the third heaven.

        The third heaven resides in the existence of the soul. The soul is all that it means to be you. It is all about every detail that came together to pull the combination of body, spirit, and soul together for peaceful existence.

        And for me, that is what I would find if I found myself alone in the Garden with God – peaceful existence. All would be known, all would be good, and all would be right. In all ways Heaven would exist in a perfect trinity and for me it does. I feel in line with the call of my body. I hear the gentle whisper of the Spirit guiding me towards a better version of myself. And I have found a deep love of the soul I was born to be blessed with. In all ways I feel myself to be in alignment with the Will of The One I seek to please Above all else. And so I feel I walk daily in the Garden with God. I feel his presence intimately. He made my body. He guides my Spirit. He knows my soul. He is within me as much as I know and see Him without. In all ways I walk in perfect Harmony with the One I Love Above all else.

        And so as you ask how I feel about the Cross. To my mind the Cross represents the price that was paid for the redemption of our sins, the price that is continued to be paid in man’s inability to rise above the darkness natural to their nature. It is in my mind that the Cross stands as a stark reminder of how dark man truly gets.

        And so as woman, as woman madly in love with the One Who Paid The Price of Sin, I ever seek to relieve the burden of that debt. I feel my nature was created to heal, to help, to make whole. I was brought forth to relieve the suffering that is inherent to man’s nature. I came to make life better not harder.

        When I ask God who I am as a woman, I am confidently responded with The Bride of Christ. And with that title of Bride of Christ I ever seek to shine my love into the hearts of those who continue to put Christ on the Cross to die for their sins rather than relieving Him of the need to pay their debt.

        My body, My Spirit, My Soul is ever focused on taking Christ from the Cross and delivering Him to a peaceful existence where He need not be tortured for the sake of those who don’t care enough to heed his lessons and grow into healthy and happy wholesome people.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Posted the following,”Celibate to Two Verses-Sundays Thoughts” be interested in your comments after you dwell on the answers that come to you. No outside thoughts of man only you and God.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Simon AnAccidentalAnarchist.com Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: